With a lavish ceremony full of pomp and reverie, the Hudson Valley Undead welcomed their first legitimate superstar free agent signing with a party set to beat the band. No expense was spared as even the press camera assistants were treated to the finest amouse bouche catered by La Circe 2000. As the crowd mingled and enjoyed a delightful performance by the London Philharmonic Orchestra featuring Yo-Yo Ma, General Manager Jeremy Morse handed out commemmorative goody bags containing the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe and a copy of Fantastic Four #1. "Last year," he reminisced, "we had more than enough cap space, but the talent wasn't out there to spend it on. We had to dream up new ways of spending money, like paying 1800 for Isaac Bruce. This year, on the other hand, we had a real opportunity to load up on some real firepower. The goal was to have more of our Cyberbucks working in our starting lineup, and I think we've achieved that."
When asked about what kind of shape his free-spending ways have left the roster beyond the starting line-up, Morse replied, "Uh... um... well, that might not be so pretty. Last year, until the playoffs, we were blessed with good health on our squad. Let's just say that fingers will remain crossed that history will repeat itself, at least that much of it."
It remains to be seen whether the Undead's approach yields boom or bust. Uniting last year's #1 WR and #1 RB has the potential to do some serious damage in the standings. But one crack in the foundation and this top-heavy team could collapse.
If the team's fortunes were reflected in the night's celebrations, then we should all be in for a wild ride: the Undead brass paid a hefty sum to book a reunion performance of Guns N' Roses, only to have Axl walk off stage after two songs and cause a riot that levelled the team's Ravenswood offices.
|