FRENZY NEWS: Owens Accepts Offer; Will be a Wonder Mutt

[Mutts]

TO Seen Leading Cheers While Fans Swing From Power Lines Above Kirkwood Ave.

by Scoop Dogg

When you last heard from this reporter, I strongly indicated the Mutts organization's desire to bring aboard top WR talent. Today we learn the team's offer to Owens has been accepted... Terrell Owens will bing his horse and pony show to Bloomington, Indiana! Can this city support the massive ego that is the Philadelphia receiver? This reporter believes so. The laid back way of life here in the hills of southern Indiana may be just what the doctor ordered.

In the center of the madness spilling out of Nick's English Pub, I was able to speak to Wonder Mutts owner Jacob Atz. "We are completely overwhelmed with joy," he screamed above the crowd "my cheeks hurt from smiling!" When asked about the large sum paid out to the restricted free agent, Atz just shook his head slyly "The money was never an issue, we were prepared to pay whatever it took to bring aboard one of the top two RFA receivers." Atz smiled broadly as he recalled the strategy "We will sign Terrell to a single year contract, with all intents of placing an RFA tag on him again next year." He chuckled a little at this point "Shoot, if the other owners in the league aren't just blowing smoke, the market will naturally adjust Terrell's salary down for us next year... as we seem to be the only organization "crazy" enough to pay #81 as a top receiver."

As was promised to Harrison during his negotiations, the new Wonder Mutt player will be presented the keys to the brand new, state-of-the-art Mellencamp practice facility here on the Indiana University campus. However, Owens has recently been seen around town with friend and Philly cohort Allen Iverson. Given that news, this reporter wonders just how much "practice" will be going on in the new facility.

In other news, the Hoosier football team will be disbanded because of utter ineptitude... the best of them becoming bases for cheerleading triangles at Assembly Hall basketball games.

This is Scoop Dogg reporting.

[Liquid Swords]

Make note: The Hoosiers football team will finish with a .500 record for the first time since 1994. With the return of RB Yamar Washington, who missed all of the 2003 season due to a knee injury, and returning freshman RB sensation BenJarvis Green-Ellis, the IU backfield should provide a much needed spark for coach Gerry DiNardo. If the Hoosiers offensive line can provide QB Matt LoVecchio some time in the pocket this season, the Hoosiers may actually be in the hunt for a Bowl game. Senior WR Courtney Roby only needs 648 receiving yards to break Ernie Jones's all time IU receiving record so look for him to come back from a sub-par 2003 season with a vengence.