Report: Undead GM Telegrams Team

[Ypsilanti Undead]

RAVENSWOOD (AP) -- Wire services this morning intercepted a telegram from Undead GM Jeremy Morse to his players. Excerpts are reprinted below without permission.

All right men good job stop Played great game against Predators but don't think this is over by a long shot stop Division not clinched and two tough games remain against division rivals stop No time for celebrating stop No flowers or candy for you this time stop We will be like Spartan warriors stop Come back with you shield or come back on it and all that stop Required reading this week "Gates of Fire" by Steven Pressfield stop Saw it on Phil Jackson's reading list stop Okay gotta keep this short they charge by the word you know and besides they're waiting for me on the back nine stop So take care, listen to what Coach Moustis tells you and don't forget to show up on Thursday and Sunday stop Stay focused and let's stomp the Opihi into poi paste stop Aloha means Goodbye, Have A Nice Early Offseason stop Keep it real -- BOSS MORSE stop


The Undead locker room seemed invigorated by the telegram and put in a hard morning practice. Starting QB Brett Favre had this to say: "It's nice that he takes the time to think of us, but I sure wish he'd stop with the telegrams... nobody really uses Morse Code anymore. And they're really annoying to read... in fact, I think they might be why my eyesight has been so bad the last couple of weeks."

[Royal Hawaiian Opihi]

HONOLULU (AP) - The Royal Hawaiian Opihi, season-long underdogs in this their first year in the Feeding Frenzy Fantasy Football League, are poised on the brink of the post-season Promised Land... this scrappy 6-6 team has played opponents tough all season, and lost many a heartbreaker. But there's still a ray of hope... a "pot 'o gold" at the end of the rainbow, if you will. Mathmatically, the OPIHI are still alive for the 6th and final wildcard playoff spot. But they'll have to earn it. They face the #1 and #2 teams in the League (who also happen to be in the same Eastern Division!): the Hudson Valley Undead (10-2) and the Parkwood Predators (9-3). Dispite their 6-6 record, the Opihi have the 3rd highest point total on the season (right after the you know whos!)... so anything can happen. In the words of Chris Berman, "That's why they play the game!"

The Opihi were given a small "gift" today from the league-leading Undead, when an internal team telegram was printed on the AP wire. The Opihi have blown up the following phrase, and stuck it to the team bulletin board:

Stay focused and let's stomp the Opihi into poi paste stop Aloha means Goodbye

When asked about the telegram, RB Warrick Dunn replied, "Teams have been disrespecting us all season. People seem to forget that quality football gets played West of San Fransisco - and I'm not talking about the Japan Bowl either! We know what we have to do, and we're just going to go out there and take care of business. It's on our shoulders, baby... and we're up for it!"

Starting QB Aaron Brooks could not be reached for comment. He's coming off his second consecutive poor outing, and there have been rumors that he may be replaced by backup QB Trent Green this coming Sunday against the Undead. "I've just got to be ready to play in case coach sends me in. This is what I've been practicing for all season!" Recent Development Squad acquisition, Marc Bulger, still rehabbing his injured hand, is not expected to be activated this season, but has already found ways to contribute to the team. This past week he went to every Opihi player and shouted, "Five in a row! We can do it! Five in a row!!!" Veteran WR Tim Brown had to restrain some of the members of the Green Bay Defense, who wanted to stuff Bulger into the dirty laundry hamper... but cooler heads prevailed!

[Royal Hawaiian Opihi]

HONOLULU (AP) - With a sell-out crowd of 50,000 at Aloha Stadium behind them, the underdog Royal Hawaiian Opihi pulled off an improbable, incredible, final-drive victory over the league-leading Hudson Valley Undead... 149.95 to 145.20. The win kept the Opihi alive for the 6th and final (and much-coveted!) playoff spot in the Feeding Frenzy Fantasy Football League.

It was a pair of "old men" who solidified the victory for the OPIHI... both Raiders... RB Charlie Garner and WR Tim Brown. The Opihi were down by 28.2 fantasy points going into the MNF game, and came away with all that, and a bag of chips! What's even more improbable, is that the OPIHI pulled out this victory without a TD from either Brown or Garner!

"The team showed incredible heart tonight," said Tim Brown... who incidently also reached the 1,000 catch plateau for his career during the game. "People have been counting us out all season. Well, no more! NO MORE! I'm just glad to be a part of this fine organization. From the top down, it's nothing but class!"

The hometown fans had almost written off Tim Brown earlier in the season. And rumors were flying that the Opihi were in deep negotiations with WR Travis Taylor, and would cut Brown, had they acquired the 3rd year Raven. Brown, ever workmanlike in his approach to the game, went out and cooly took in 8 receptions for 90 yards.

Trent Green, who had his first start of the season, let out a big sigh of relief, following the end of the game. "I was real nervous before the game started... but all of the guys rallied around me and really lifted my spirits. I'll go to war with those guys any day!"

After the game, team owner, Jim White, had nothing but the highest of praise for the Hudson Valley Organization. "Right now, they're still the best in the league. Week in and week out, they're the most consistent fantasy team that I've seen in a long, long while. My hats off to Brant & Jeremy... they have a class program. We're just fortunate to have come away with the 'W'."

Next stop for the OPIHI on their road to the playoffs: arch-rivals, the Parkwood Predators! "Bring it on!"

[Ypsilanti Undead]

ukeface


Nice game Jim, looks like I choked! My two roster moves were sound in principle... and they backfired pretty good. This is what happens when I can't get hold of Brant on Thanksgiving morning, I guess! I had little margin for error, as the Opihi are no slouches.

Much like the '85 Bears' MNF loss to the Dolphins, I have a feeling that this was the wake-up call that will galvanize the Undead as they surge toward the title game. Let Freedom Ring My Alarm Clock!